well let me start by saying that im really not into writing blogs.. but i guess boredom sometimes make us do things we dont usaully do.. this blog here is a mixed thoughts i have in the present..hahaha..just a result of boredom!
express….
ok,, so its been quite a while since i expressed my thoughts in writing,, but after pondering and having some time alone to think and just,,,…..ponder really( im trying to look for the right word but i guess thats it!hihihi),, i have come to realize some things. my 1st year in college passes by so fast. it seems like just a while ago i graduated from high school with the feeling of holding on to your friends and thinking it would be hard to let go of such precious friendship. now,, its almost christmas time, later, we will become 2nd year college. well in my case, i have to move to either new zealand or austrailia. so mine would be a different thing. what really brought me to discuss this is that, i really feel empty deep inside. no matter how much i have achieved back in high school until now(good to say im still doing good in college), something is just missing. the thing is, i myself dont even know whats wrong with me. hahaha…yeah im crazy!
the past…
also, part of my realization, memories are definitely worth keeping. i wish i was a little bit more mature back in the days so that i could have made the best out of every minute i was with my friends in high school. the times when we use to say “kaon ta anay sa bakerite or sa mamihan” , “kailinit kay ms.,,,(lol!)” , “ktv tah!” yeah! remembering those times make me feel happy and sad at the same time. its even more touching(very few knows how sentimental i am) reading again my kept palangca letters for all the recollections and retreats i have attended. esp letters from persons i consider a big part of my life. ka korny gni reading the lines “hope we’ll stay friends forever” “ari lng ko d permi ah” etc,, but at my age now, i know i should be more expressive with my feelings to avoid having regrets in the future. now i know what the saying “college friends know who you are, high school friends know why” means. i know i have to grow up and move on from the past, but having crazy persons as friends makes it really hard.
regrets…
like you guys, i have lots of regrets in life. i really regret letting go of a perfect friendship at one point in my life. this is back in my second year in high school. that was the highlight in my high school life yet i gave a reason for our group to separate the next year for some nonsense reason. to be honest, i tried fixing it up. but i guess good things come once in a while so grab it and treasure it. too bad, that could have been the best group i ever belonged to. those were the times i really feel like i belong and that there are really persons who cares for me. sad to say that now those times are just “use-to-be’s” and “remember when?..” moments. also, i maid lots of decisions without thinking first that result to things such as disappointments, failed relationship, etc. with that, im really sorry to the persons involved. there are just times when you think it is for the better. but decisions are two sided. its good for some and bad for some.
just now,,…
im so lost right now,.. like i dont know where im heading to. whenever my friends would ask what my problem is, i dont have a precised answer. like i have said, i dont even know what my own problems are. and often i would say: i just wanna go to my mom outside the country. i dont understand why but i just really wanna start over again since im totally out of control here. sometimes im already forcing myself just to wake up in the morning just to go to school even if my spirit isnt intrested. there’s just no drive anymore. still, im hoping to fix myself one of these days before i leave and be remembered as a genuine person. well, i do hope so…hihi
hay,, so many things to say but i just cant put them into words!! i’m usually the talker type and not the writer. so i wouldn’t be surprised if you’re not really touched by this.. hehehe…pero na realize ko man dayon,, nami gali mag emote sa comp!! hahaha… i think there will be more blogs to come since i already feel the advantage of making blogs,, u just keep on typing!! u dont care anymore what to hide esp when your feeling while writing is intense! hahaha,,,watever!
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